Discussion of the Day: The Mother’s Paradox

For most of us, the idea that the sole purpose of women was to have children has long since died. We are accomplished human beings who have thoughts and concerns. Our hearts and minds combine to create a powerhouse. Yet, society claims all of this, but when you become a mother, your feelings are suddenly discarded in favour of the new life that has just arrived. Therefore, you become a vessel. 

Surely, to be a good mother, you need to fulfil your needs and be content with yourself and your life? If you were unhappy, then that would affect your children too. So, why are we encouraging the mother to disregard any thought she has for her sanity altogether? We are setting people up to fail. Imagine if she goes through a break-up, people will say:

“Well, you can’t be sad. You’ve got kids. Your feelings don’t matter. We don’t care about you.”

We are all acutely aware of how dangerous it is to bottle up your feelings. You will explode at some point down the line. A mother may even begin to resent her child because their existence is why her life seemingly doesn’t matter anymore. When the baby is born, everyone wants to go and see them, practically fighting over it. But, when there is no baby, everyone is too busy. There are various reasons for my decision not to have kids, but this feeds into it.

Logistically, being a mother doesn’t make any sense. We have it drilled into us by doctors to eat healthily and exercise so we don’t get heart disease. But nobody sleeps with a new baby. And, a lack of sleep increases your risk of heart disease. According to the mothers I have spoken to, this sleep deprivation can last for six years! I haven’t even discussed the other physical complications of being a parent. 

Considering all of this, it is laughable that people frown upon those who don’t want children. I would argue that there are far more positives in not having them than having them. To continue to claim women are more than baby-makers is disingenuous when we expect mothers to be robots who only care for others.

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