New Year’s Absolutions

Happy New Year is what we say to each other, and I am guilty of that. The reality is that it is far from happy for many of us. I have been depressed for many years now, but something happened in 2020 that killed a part of me. I won’t go into the full details, but I have always been independent. I have never wanted a boyfriend. All I wanted was to experience a few things and have someone be attracted to me, at the very least. I have loved many people who preferred another woman to me. What is wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Thin enough? In 2020, I met a man via submitting to his Literary Journal. We were forced to be solely long-distance (he was Canadian) due to the pandemic, and I would never get to meet him/love him in person because he died that Christmas. It’s been over a year now, and I am expected to be okay. But, they don’t understand that I have been hurt over and over again. And, I find it bizarre that anyone would try to fill that hole with other people who aren’t him. I got so angry the other night that I said I hated him to the sky. And, now it’s New Years Day, and all I see are posts about how bloody happy everyone is with their boyfriends/girlfriends/wives/husbands/fiancés/others. It’s bullshit.

1 Comment

  1. There’s, nothing wrong, with, seeking out someone, who will know how to, appreciate who we are, and yet sometimes, we just, can’t find that, certain someone who’s, perfect for us, individually, but, so long as we learn to, love our selves, appreciate ourselves, then, we won’t be without the love we are, in need of.


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