one of the first counsellors I
saw told me that he dated a
page 3 girl / he got frustrated
with my apparent lack of
progress / told me that I’m
better than this / another
expectation placed on me /
if it’s not being told to get
a job it’s some man in
a musty office assuming
he knows everything about me /
my real therapy was drinking
tequila from a sombrero topped
bottle in my bedroom while I
had a meltdown watching Schindler’s
list / he could have saved more / I
could have saved no one / least of
all my damaged self

ordering take out every night /
chicken burgers / pizza / Chinese /
Indian / kebabs / it beats sticky
floors in a rundown pub / no
school reunions / no judging /
cheesecake crumbs on my bed /
lie on my bed / the world is
ending / buildings are crashing
down like fight club / the clock
ran forward in a psychedelic
mania / melting / distorting /
dragging my boots down
the street / lips red / hair
full of glitter / told a friend
if she would hide cigarettes
if I started smoking / therapy /
drink more / black out / make
coffee / on the bus to the high
street / had no sleep / meet
friend for breakfast / don’t
eat anything / go home /
damp hair / sleep into the
curls / never wake up

Originally published in Terror House

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